6 months ago
The man with the knife
South Leeds is the part of the City that fashion has forgotten but it is in this refuge of the non-business man that having walked from work I looked for a haircut and settled onto a barber who had the most important thing one can find in this search - an empty chair.
I got snug and looked around catching a glimpse of the odd United poster - to be expected - before doffing my glasses and waiting for the cut. The rule with barbers is small talk and so we killed time before inevitably getting onto football and the Champions League final on Wednesday.
“Coke vs Pepsi” I offered attempting to close down the conversation. I sensed he wanted more so I continued “But I guess Man United, what with being Northern…”
“I hate Man Yoo,” he replied, “Because I am Leeds.”
He was and in the middle of Leeds he has a right to be. He snipped well and quickly so I tried to press him for more saying “I thought Leeds hated Chelsea too.”
He said that he would rather both teams lost the game - if only that were possible - and that if the fans were all sent to Siberian prisons then he would not be upset. It amused me and I laughed only for his hands to roughly grab me ensuring even sideburns.
“I don’t care.” he declared “I’m going to Wembley and we are going up.” and for a moment a rush of conversation ran though my head. We should be kin - this barber and me - for we have no interest in this Moscow Show and we long for the success of our own clubs.
We are the best of rivals but not enemies. We can agree on this point and build common ground from there. The interests of clubs outside the less than a dozen that make up the haves in football are best served by recognising that Leeds United, Bradford City, Ipswich, Yeovil Town, Exeter and on and on have more in common than we do separating us.
Here in this barbers shop in South Leeds we could join on this point.
“Perhaps a bomb will go off and both Man Yoo and Chelsea will be killed?” he smiled and started to finish my hair with a razor.
His cutthroat razor flicking down the back of my neck.
We are the two of us alone in his shop and bomb idea hanging in a pregnant pause between us. A long, sharp blade flicking my neck as he asks me “Who do you support?”
Well what would you say?
May 20th, 2008 at 14:05
Sweeny Todd, perhaps?
May 20th, 2008 at 14:06
Yorkshire C.C.C, of course, it is the Summer season and surely that unites all White Rose fans together?
May 20th, 2008 at 14:42
Don’t know what I’d say.
Nicola at Toni and Guy doesn’t talk about football much, so not been in that position
May 20th, 2008 at 15:27
What would I say? “I hope your football team plays as badly at Wembley as you cut hair!”
I’d just jump out of the chair first.
May 20th, 2008 at 22:59
The enemy of my enemy is my friend?
Having lived long past my due date I would risk the knife, tell him the truth in the hope to get kicked out and thus get a free haircut!
I’ve given upon barber shops in this part of the world. All they do here is yap on about what they fished for (which round here is just Bass … carp is a “pest”) or their hunting stories (Now when the deer has a gun to shoot back at you, that’s a story). The place I go to has TV’s and when there is
… soccer… on the TV my ’stylist’ will happily change the channel and she will try to understand this weird game.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:22
Working in a ‘LS1’ office, I must confess that I want Leeds to lose. Some of the tripe that comes out of their fans mouth never defies to amaze me. ‘Oh, Carlisle have never played in front of 40,000, they’ll freeze’ one of my blinkered colleagues informed me last week, talking as if Carlisle United were Shipley Juniors. A 2-1 defeat, the next morning was bliss, as my dumbfounded colleagues made themselves scarce…
Similar to City, Leeds mainly show their potential away from home, and were able to secure a trip to Wembley. As Fred Dibnah probably use to say… ‘The taller they are, the harder they fall’, I’m hoping this will be the case on Sunday!
May 21st, 2008 at 12:37
Tom, a few years ago a regular in The Fleece in Harden was telling me that the land Elland Road is built in is worth more than the land Stamford Bridge is built on. Leeds fans know very little, remember Blackwell insisting that Sheff Wed v Leeds was a match that deserved to be in the Premier League? Why?
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:26
What would I say? Well: never has the phrase “City till I die” been more put to the test.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:02
I’d have replied “Bradford” : a rivalry requires reciprocation to work and Bradford are not even on Leeds supporters radar.